But really? I am shit, I feel shit, I have shit, I do shit, it’s all just shit. 

It’s really hard to do the PMA crap when the most enthusiasm you can muster is meh…

See, I can’t even be bothered to write in the first person! Bleugh

These latest meds are killing me. Any of you guys on risperidone? Any advice?

And please no bullshit ‘go kill yourself’ I just might and then I’ll haunt your sorry ass.

But really? I am shit, I feel shit, I have shit, I do shit, it’s all just shit.

It’s really hard to do the PMA crap when the most enthusiasm you can muster is meh…

See, I can’t even be bothered to write in the first person! Bleugh

These latest meds are killing me. Any of you guys on risperidone? Any advice?

And please no bullshit ‘go kill yourself’ I just might and then I’ll haunt your sorry ass.

There are the occasions that men—intellectual men, clever men, engaged men—insist on playing devil’s advocate, desirous of a debate on some aspect of feminist theory or reproductive rights or some other subject generally filed under the heading: Women’s Issues. These intellectual, clever, engaged men want to endlessly probe my argument for weaknesses, want to wrestle over details, want to argue just for fun—and they wonder, these intellectual, clever, engaged men, why my voice keeps raising and why my face is flushed and why, after an hour of fighting my corner, hot tears burn the corners of my eyes. Why do you have to take this stuff so personally? ask the intellectual, clever, and engaged men, who have never considered that the content of the abstract exercise that’s so much fun for them is the stuff of my life.
The Terrible Bargain We Have Regretfully Struck (via veruca-assault)

(via grimdarkprose)

You want me to be a tragic backdrop so you can appear to be illuminated, so that people can say, ‘wow, isn’t he so terribly brave to love a girl so obviously sad?’ You think I’ll be the dark sky so you can be the star? I’ll swallow you whole.
WARSAN SHIRE (via burrowingpoems)

(via yummygherkin)

If owning a gun and knowing how to use it worked, the military would be the safest place for a woman. It’s not.

If women covering up their bodies worked, Afghanistan would have a lower rate of sexual assault than Polynesia. It doesn’t.

If not drinking alcohol worked, children would not be raped. They are.

If your advice to a woman to avoid rape is to be the most modestly dressed, soberest and first to go home, you may as well add “so the rapist will choose someone else”.

If your response to hearing a woman has been raped is “she didn’t have to go to that bar/nightclub/party” you are saying that you want bars, nightclubs and parties to have no women in them. Unless you want the women to show up, but wear kaftans and drink orange juice. Good luck selling either of those options to your friends.

Or you could just be honest and say that you don’t want less rape, you want (even) less prosecution of rapists.
A Short Post on Rape Prevention  (via withmyheartwideopen)

(via amelia-the-vampire-slayer)

Bad week. Changing meds = suicidal thoughts and a general feeling of shitness

Bad week. Changing meds = suicidal thoughts and a general feeling of shitness

Just a quick hello from the lazy nothingness going on right now.

Sometimes I just have to bow out. Take a mental, physical and emotional break from the world. 

It’s not pretty. It’s days of lounging in bed or the shed in pyjamas wrapped in a blanket and hugging a hot water blanket. I’m on day two and fully intent to emerge only on Tuesday when I have to go to work.

In the meantime I’m wallowing. I’ve read a load of books, listened to meaningful music, ignored my phone, eaten easy food and dozed on and off.

I have no interest in or energy for interacting with anyone. Conversation drains me. 

I’m not unwell or becoming unwell. I don’t feel depressed. I simply feel as if I have reached saturation point. My tolerance for reality has reached its limit.

Life is stressful and busy and inexorable. The constancy of existence is exhausting. If I didn’t opt out now and then i would start to get crazy. I’d lose the capacity to juggle and manage and function. I’d become overwhelmed. Is self harm. I’d be sectioned. I’d be suicidal.

Right now I’m so far from anything dramatic that it’s an impossible phantom. I’m good at self management and I keep myself well (with lots of help). 

So what’s it all about? 

I feel guilty. I feel terribly guilty when I opt out and distance myself from everyone and everything. I’m a woman; guilt is part of society’s gift to me. 

I can rationalise that it is sensible to put my needs first because if I become ill I’m no good to anyone. Intellectually I know that everyone needs ‘me’ time and to recharge their batteries. 

I still feel guilty.

Just a quick hello from the lazy nothingness going on right now.

Sometimes I just have to bow out. Take a mental, physical and emotional break from the world.

It’s not pretty. It’s days of lounging in bed or the shed in pyjamas wrapped in a blanket and hugging a hot water blanket. I’m on day two and fully intent to emerge only on Tuesday when I have to go to work.

In the meantime I’m wallowing. I’ve read a load of books, listened to meaningful music, ignored my phone, eaten easy food and dozed on and off.

I have no interest in or energy for interacting with anyone. Conversation drains me.

I’m not unwell or becoming unwell. I don’t feel depressed. I simply feel as if I have reached saturation point. My tolerance for reality has reached its limit.

Life is stressful and busy and inexorable. The constancy of existence is exhausting. If I didn’t opt out now and then i would start to get crazy. I’d lose the capacity to juggle and manage and function. I’d become overwhelmed. Is self harm. I’d be sectioned. I’d be suicidal.

Right now I’m so far from anything dramatic that it’s an impossible phantom. I’m good at self management and I keep myself well (with lots of help).

So what’s it all about?

I feel guilty. I feel terribly guilty when I opt out and distance myself from everyone and everything. I’m a woman; guilt is part of society’s gift to me.

I can rationalise that it is sensible to put my needs first because if I become ill I’m no good to anyone. Intellectually I know that everyone needs ‘me’ time and to recharge their batteries.

I still feel guilty.

bipolarlady asked: Hey! Wondering how things are with you? Hope you are doing well. x x x

Been busy and crazy. How are you?

actinglikeadirtcow:

sara-in-space:

majorasbitch:

theworldsgotmedizzyagain:

oohhcomely:

blowkissesnotboys:

ippinka:

LifeStraw purifies water instantly and inexpensively: it is a solution that can provide millions of under-privileged people with safe drinking water.

reblogging again because science

Seriously, Science. Do your thing.

IT’S ONLY 20$.
OH MY GOD

I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR TUMBLR TO GET WIND OF THIS

I’ll always signal boost this because not only does this work for people in under privilege areas it’s also proof of human ingenuity.

Really, we kids that grew up in the early 90s were all told about how we had to conserve water because drinkable water was such a rare resource and people in foreign lands were basically fucked up the ass because there was no way for them to get drinking water. 20 years and 20 bucks later one of the biggest problems humanity faced is a non issue. THAT’S FUCKING CRAZY!

(via fuckyeahchubbymods)

Just because your mental illness sometimes puts you in darkness doesn’t mean that your story can’t end with a rainbow.
my bipolar brain (via notcrazyjustme)
natureplayedthistrichonme:


christiannightmarestoo:

Anti-gay youth group leaders try to keep a girl from her gay dads
This incident still angers me for many reasons. My dads are gay, and when I was younger, someone at my school invited me to a youth group event. When I got there, they spent most of the time talking about how gay marriage is wrong, and it made me really uncomfortable. So I said, “I’m not feeling good, I’m going to call my dad to come and get me.” When the classmate that had invited me told everyone that I have two dads and they are gay, all hell broke loose. The youth group leaders freaked out and said that I wouldn’t be calling my dads. In fact, they did not want me to leave. They tried to get me to see that my dads were sinning, but I told them I wanted to leave and that I disagreed with what they were saying. I remember being in tears, scared and wanting to go home.
I went into the bathroom and called my dads. They were pissed and came to pick me up. My one dad called the police when they got there, as the youth group leaders would not let them get me. The police went into the church and brought me out. Charges were not pressed but I refused to go to any more of those youth group events. Thinking about it now still bothers me, I shake when I think about it. – Name withheld by request

This fucking infuriates me

natureplayedthistrichonme:

christiannightmarestoo:

Anti-gay youth group leaders try to keep a girl from her gay dads

This incident still angers me for many reasons. My dads are gay, and when I was younger, someone at my school invited me to a youth group event. When I got there, they spent most of the time talking about how gay marriage is wrong, and it made me really uncomfortable. So I said, “Im not feeling good, Im going to call my dad to come and get me.” When the classmate that had invited me told everyone that I have two dads and they are gay, all hell broke loose. The youth group leaders freaked out and said that I wouldnt be calling my dads. In fact, they did not want me to leave. They tried to get me to see that my dads were sinning, but I told them I wanted to leave and that I disagreed with what they were saying. I remember being in tears, scared and wanting to go home.

I went into the bathroom and called my dads. They were pissed and came to pick me up. My one dad called the police when they got there, as the youth group leaders would not let them get me. The police went into the church and brought me out. Charges were not pressed but I refused to go to any more of those youth group events. Thinking about it now still bothers me, I shake when I think about it. – Name withheld by request

This fucking infuriates me

(via grimdarkprose)

A day in the life... This is the blog of a regular person who happens to be Bi Polar. I have a family, work (mostly) and get through everyday life. I blog about being Bi Polar, being a parent/grandparent, my work, crazy shit that I have experienced and even some serious stuff. But only a bit. 'Cos you cant afford to take it all too seriously, can you? :-)

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